


Interesting Way of Dealing With Stress

by allhailgrilledcheesus



Series: Rhack One-Shots [1]
Category: Borderlands, Tales from the Borderlands - Fandom
Genre: Fluff, Humour, otp prompt, this is so dumb i am so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 11:57:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5827699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allhailgrilledcheesus/pseuds/allhailgrilledcheesus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Handsome Jack runs a space station. He's allowed to relax from time to time, alright? Rhys just so happens to catch him in the act...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interesting Way of Dealing With Stress

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god. This is written from a prompt I saw on tumblr ages ago and I'm so sorry that I can't tag it bc I cant find it. I've had this doc saved as 'Rhack trash' for a while and this is what I decided to fill it with.
> 
> UNBETAD TELL ME IF SOMETHING IS WRONG PLEASE LIKE MY TENSES I ALWAYS GET THEM CONFUSED

Jack really hated people. They were too incompetent and stupid for him to even comprehend most days. If he could oversee the hiring of everyone on this space station he would - right down to the janitorial staff. Idiocy was something that he just could not stand and sadly, the world was full of idiots, no matter how smart their IQ says they are. Hyperion only hires the best of the best, whittles them down even more, and then molds them to be the greatest at what they do. Sometimes though, this molding can come with the unforeseen side effect of losing all common sense that they may have once possessed. 

Strutting around the corridors of Hyperion made Jack feel powerful. The people were stupid most of the time but smart enough to move out of his way when he was in a particularly bad mood. The small brown bag tucked into his many layers of clothing was a constant reminder of what was to come. It was nothing fancy, just something he knew was going to make all the anger go away. All he needed was a quiet corner to enjoy the contents and life would be alright for the smallest amount of time. All the stress he had pent up inside him would float away in those few blissful minutes. 

After some more walking, Jack had found himself a quiet corner of the space station. Nothing was to be heard here apart from the gentle tapping of fingers on keys.It was finally time to open the paper bag. A smile spread across his face as he felt the paper crinkle in his hands. Bringing it out of his pocket, Jack bought it up to his face and took a deep breath. _This is gonna be good_ , his internal monologue was nothing but anticipation for the event to come. 

*  
Rhys was having the worst of days. Vazquez was breathing down his neck once more and the code he was looking at had one small mistake in it that he just could not find. He was almost tempted to scrap what he had written to try and find the mistake. However, it was coming up to lunch time and he would rather eat skag shit than stay for longer than his normal hours when lunch was involved. Overtime after work was fine, but lunch time to Rhys and his friends was sacred. 

Time seemed to turn to molasses during the last hour before lunch. The same error in the code was still bugging Rhys. He just couldn’t find it no matter how hard he tried. Vasquez wanted this finished by the end of the day and Rhys was coming to terms with the fact that he was just going to have to start again. Sadly, this meant no lunch for him so he messaged his best friend Vaughn, telling him the sad news. Vaughn replied with several graceful poop emojis and wished him luck with the new project, promising dinner would be made by the time he got home. Rhys ran his organic hand across his face, deciding to save his work incase the newer version had even more problems than the one he already had. This was already getting too much for him. 

Rhys stood up, stretching and relishing in the soft cracks that emanated from his spine. He needed to get up and walk to try and clear his head before sitting down for what he was expecting to be the longest day of his life. He decided that a lap around the office, via the toilet, finishing at the coffee machine before making his way back to his desk. This was a plan that he could deal with. 

Walking along the corridors of the department he worked for, Rhys took his time. As much as he loved working for Hyperion, it was very stressful. Stressful seemed like it was too mild of a word, but he was too tired to think of anything more extreme. He dragged his feet along the corridor, not wanting to return to his desk. 

A small rustling drew Rhys out from his introspection. He stopped walking and froze at the sight in front of him. In a small alcove in the corridor where there was the department's abused vending machine stood a figure hunched over something that the tall man couldn’t quite see. The person had their back turned away from Rhys, and by the noises they were making, this person was enjoying what they were doing. 

Rhys let out a small laugh, it was a strange sight to behold afterall. The person whipped their head around, crumbs falling from their mouth which was pulled into a murderous expression along with the rest of their face. Rhys froze. 

Handsome Jack. 

Those two words were the only thing Rhys could think about. The man standing there, triple chocolate muffin and brown paper bag in hand, was the CEO of the company he worked for. Jack’s eyes were wild, Rhys automatically put his hands up in surrender, trying to make his lanky form look smaller as the man in front of him dropped his snack and made his way towards him. Jack’s hand bee-lined to Rhys’s neck and the taller man was slammed into the wall. 

“What’s your name, huh?” Jack’s hand was a constant pressure on Rhys’s neck, reminding him that one false move would be his end. 

“Rhys! It’s Rhys!” he squeaked. The company man had no reason to lie. He felt as if lying would probably increase his chances of being killed, as if Jack had a sixth sense and one false move would spell his doom. 

“Well, _Rhys_. Or Rhysie, if I may, which I most certainly do, if you dare squeak a syllable of what you just saw to anyone, you’re head will be on a platter, capiche?” 

Rhys’s head was spinning. The one and only Handsome Jack currently had a hand around his neck and was threatening to kill him over a _muffin_? The situation was so ridiculous he almost laughed. He would have laughed if it were not for the fact that air was having a hard time reaching his lungs at the moment. Rhys decided that nodding was the best course of action. 

Jack seemed satisfied with this answer and with one final squeeze, he released his underling from his grasp. With a small nod, Jack brushed himself off and walked to the end of the corridor, giving Rhys a casual two finger salute as he left. 

Rhys, for the first time in a long while, was dumbfounded. He had what could technically be called an embarrassing interaction with Handsome Jack, and he wasn’t dead. How this had happened was a miracle. Vaughn was never going to believe this. 

Rhys returned to his desk, coffee absent, shocked expression still plastered on his face. He just sat down and started writing the code he had neglected due to the events that had just unfolded. Even Vasquez’s attempts to distract him from completing his job were futile. Rhys was too astonished from earlier to care about what his boss was doing. He was so focused, in fact, that he finished he work earlier than expected and made his way home. 

Vaughn kept true on his promise so dinner was ready for the tall man when he got home. Vaughn didn’t seem to notice that the conversation was decidedly one-sided for the majority of dinner until he noticed that Rhys hadn’t touched his food. 

“Hey bro, you ok?”

“Handsome…” was all Rhys could squeak out, not making eye contact with his roommate. 

“Oh? See someone you like today? That’s good, bro. Your last relationship didn’t end… well it didn’t end magnificently did it?” Vaughn pushed his glasses up his nose as a nervous laugh escaped his lips. 

“No… No… _The_ Handsome…” Rhys shook his head, as if trying to shake the thought into coherence. 

“Handsome Jack? You’re getting too obsessed with him bro. You need to calm down!” 

“Hand around neck, muffin, platter…” Rhys was trying to piece together why exactly he was still alive after what had happened that afternoon. 

“Rhys! I know you’re pretty messed up but I do not need to hear about your fantasies! We’re close but we’re not that close, jeez!” Vaughn could feel the colour rising in his cheeks. 

Rhys didn’t say anything. He got the holoscreen on his hand up, entered a few commands, and sent a link to Vaughn’s ECHO device. Vaughn stared, confused at what his friend was doing. 

It was a video. A CCTV video of a corridor near Rhys’s office. Vaughn knew it well as the place Rhys liked to go when he slacked off because the vending machines sold his favourite candy. When the accountant looked closer, he saw a man he knew all too well. A man that he knew all too well was standing by that familiar sight. A man whose face was plastered over Hyperion, someone that no one in the galaxy could forget. Handsome Jack had his hand over Rhys’s throat, with Rhys pinned to the wall. There was no sound on the video but Vaughn knew that whatever had happened was serious for his normally talkative friend to be this quiet.

“No explain. Never tell” With that last cryptic statement, Rhys stood up and went towards his room. He opened his door, didn’t shut it behind him, and collapsed on his bed in the foetal position. Vaughn just watched on slacked jawed, amazed that his roommate was even still alive. This was the craziest thing to ever happen to them.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work for borderlands, did I do good? 
> 
> Come find me on tumblr and ask me to write stuff if you liked it! 
> 
> iwritesjinsnottradgedies.tumblr.com


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